I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize