i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I have tasted many bathrooms
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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