so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
