maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
