it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
