He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
