I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
