The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
