in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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