who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This is my gift to your gina
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
