Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
