Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
