We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
