If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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