I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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