i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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