We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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