First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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