literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
