Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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