she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
