Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
