i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
