Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize