apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
