She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
