So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
