Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
