people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
