I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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