If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize