His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
whose ass print is on the piano?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
