my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
