Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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