the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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