Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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