wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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