Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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