If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
