fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
