I think I am morally bankrupt
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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