First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize