Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
