Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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