Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Come share oat with me in your robe
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