We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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