you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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