I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
