I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
