I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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