Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
