We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
