Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
