If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
dude. I can hear the air.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
