I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Randomize
