so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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