You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
