I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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