Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
