He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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