Non-Jews are for practice
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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