Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
