I want to make a zoo with you.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
