So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Randomize
