Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
