I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
